Probability of Being

  If the artist cannot connect to space they are working on, the space does not respond…time and again I keep struggling for that connection that starts the equation/dialogue. For many times I wait – wait for a long time ...and sometimes something inspires me to take a leap of faith and dive into the space- making random strokes and allow myself to be impulsive. The unknown acts in more mysterious ways that one can think of…or in better words… its beyond the understanding of the limited human perception of our minds. I always consider the unknown as my teacher. And the equation many times or most of the times requires getting into the state of surrender and practice faith. While I was in a 10 days residency with Art for change organization- the place where all the artists were lodged, I saw this line from the Bible written on a crimson lake colored wall -- “ we walk by faith and not by sight ”— and this, so far explains most of the equation and the journey in a way best possible...

  Creating visuals has been taking much of my September without me realizing where it all slipped?? Anyways, creating visuals has always had my constant commitment, and writing my heart out has never been a profession. Therefore, I will leave my heartfelt writings in a space free from any compulsion and protocols. Some places are meant to be sacred like the canvas or the space that occupies my passion and expression- more like the everyday meditation, and some would be casual where I am talking to the universe and leaving my words for anyone who wishes to collect them- again a sacred space where I am more careless, impulsive, and random. I spent September creating some art. Paintings plus some three- dimensional compositions. Being in isolation in this period of collective pause, anything collective related to art is good for the much-needed charge up of creative energy. So, I ended up participating in the Art For Change’s two-week art-oriented program on ‘Mental health and well- bei

  How far would we go? And what is the purpose? “Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here? The Cheshire Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to. Alice: I don't much care where. The Cheshire Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go. Alice: ...So long as I get somewhere. The Cheshire Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough.” ….to walk long enough till you reach where you meant to be reached. For there certainly are some permutations and combinations happening in the universe and our existence is a part of it. How much is human understanding can take them where? How much understanding do we have in us? Does the grey matter that is given to us by mother nature is good enough to be able to absorb everything that is there…and every fraction of knowledge that lies there? We can always leave pondering over of such questions for the next time and deal with the peer pressures created by humans to d

Part of my work in progress Just as nature follows a pattern and also unfollows. As if the pattern is a routine and randomness and spontaneity is what makes it all alive. Just like life is an assemblage of many things done and undone…and many things are undone after done. The same way a painting is a journey of doing and undoing…learning and unlearning. Just like many visuals that cross our eyes and while some get registered in the memory whereas some cross unregistered. Like many memories we lived…we remember some in clarity, but some just leave a faint stain. Well, that is what is the amalgamation of experiences of the state of being alive and being aware of existence. The patches of lines in order on my canvas forming a clear pattern maybe shows my syncing with the energies of nature when it follows a pattern and a series of broken lines are maybe the manifestation of the dynamics that goes on while life and order are being created every day. Just like through connection with the

(A part of my work in progress) The simplicity of mere existence, a simple presence of a line in a space, a random stroke of color… As random as the flow of water, every free- floating atom in the air, the presence of every particle of dust…all of it combines to present a larger-than-life persona of the earth.   And how does it matter if a particle exists or not in the larger picture? but I think every particle is given a chance to carry certain energies and be a part of the greater flow…just to be a part of the flow and enjoy mere existence. As per the human mind, it is conditioned to find ‘meaning’ in everything in order to feed the mind that does not really exist but is a made-up thing that gives a certain satisfaction to a man’s ego who needs some intellectual stimulation in order to feel superficially empowered and in control of everything that goes around. The only point I am trying to make is, what if instead of judging or ‘figuring out’ one may try to assume the position of

Born in India, my roots were fed with innocent seeds of beliefs and spirituality like most of the children of this subcontinent. And it doesn’t really matter what religion your family is following…the roots and the nourishment remains the same for most of the Indian kids. My elders used to tell me about the auspiciousness of the early hours of the morning..like how if you get up early morning, your senses would be sharp…how the dawn is the most powerful hour when the whole divinity is awakened and is ready to bless anyone who is seeking their blessings. As my fingers started holding a pencil and as I started making some kind of drawings, one such day, inspired by what elders were teaching me, I just got up before the sunrise…took a blank sheet and a pencil and sat outside in the balcony where a rose plant was planted in a broken tin container. There was also a delicate kind of creeper of a mauve- indigo flower (butterfly pea flower or Aparajita in Hindi) …again my first memories of

“Probably we are pilgrims, moving silently in our sleep…as sleepwalkers- for we are scared and maybe embarrassed by our own awakening….”   A bird sings a song because she has a song written in her heart- does she sings it to please the world? Or she sings not knowing why she is singing? Some of us might walk silently like pilgrims walking in their sleep and some of us might find a song in their heart which they will sing whether they are sleep-walking or are awakened… for it’s the song that needs to be sung, and it’s the walk that needs to be walked. And this may be the purpose of every soul who is seeking the source of words that composes the song. Every act in our existence is a manifestation of our seeking…and not knowing about it is the state of sleep many of us enjoy till the moment of awakening. And after that starts the journey to the unknown. coming back after a brief period of what they call it- a writer’s block the above writeup many might find as a heavy dose of philosoph

Facing a blank canvas is like facing an unknown region of yourself and accepting this space to work upon is like accepting dialogue with the unknown. In a random discussion on Indian mythology, I once heard this theory about the difference between Shri Vishnu( the preserver) and Shri Shiva (the destroyer) that in Hindu rituals, when they worship Shri Vishnu, he is always offered processed things like, curd, ghee, butter, etc. and that represents the processing of an individual. Like the one who worships Shri Vishnu must grow up in a way to follow the dharma of the society, should follow all the dharma associated with being a householder, a father, a son, a friend etc. To become a householder or to carry on with the dharma of a social being since, Shri Vishnu is a preserver- a preserver of the society as well. On the other hand, Shri Shiva (the supreme god -the god of destruction and the spirit within us) would accept everything unprocessed. That is raw milk, wildflowers/fruits which no

Most of the time artists are the first ones to fall in love with their artwork and once it is finished, they even want to possess it secretly. As hard it is to separate from the work, at the same time overwhelming and soul-satisfying- if someone else has understood the music they were creating through their art and want to own it without any negotiations or conditions. However, some works go beyond these criteria of buying and selling or possessing. I do not say such works need to be masterpieces or be outstanding, but still, this is how art wishes to be manifested- unconditionally. As I got up early last morning in Badanga, I woke others up who wished to join me for my last visit to the mountain, and they took no time to get up. Anant was usually sitting at the fire every day in the morning, seeing we are off to some kind of expedition, he offered us some chai and joined us. Anant was another artist in the residency- a printmaker with a thorough knowledge of his art. As the group

As the project comes to its closure and so was my stay at Badanga. Apart from the last minute anxiety of giving the finishing touch to the project, I was satisfied to have made most out of my stay at the place…bonded not just with the kids but also with the school teachers, few villagers and of course most of the artists. I learned a lot from the children of Badanga more than I could absorb at that moment, but I surely needed all those lessons for the next phase of my life i.e. the phase of isolation and lockdown due to the outbreak of COVID- 19. Our videographer had already left two days ago leaving me worried about the final image of my finished work. Anyways I had no control over those things, so I continued with what needed to be done. Prepared a title page (the night before) around full empirical- size sheet to paste on an old tin board, that I noticed was perfectly placed in the valley from where the mountain needed to be viewed. Early next morning just a few hours before the

          Celebrations in school                                                                              Children too excited with Jasmin* Children of Badanga were too excited about us outsiders coming to their village and doing different art projects, as most of the projects involved working with these children. After school they would visit the residency place where some of the artists are working, then they will run to another project site. In a way there was never a defined set of children working in a particular project. As far as my project was concerned, as I said I managed to get some kids (like, 10+ years old) at the beginning followed by just a couple of kids working with me for a couple of days. These two were my constant companions in the execution of the work with other kids joining or not joining us as the project was developing. And after some days, their numbers shoot up as they would wait for their treats after the day’s work.     Shantilal and Pannalal were my co

Living in minimal resources with not a single tea shop in the village- completely relying on the arrangements at the residency for three meals of the day (with a no time schedule approach) and chai, and that means we had to manage our work time accordingly. However, we knew the organizers in this remote setting were trying to do their best and this kind of experience in a way made us more adaptable and accepting of the onsite/workplace challenges. In a way this following ‘no schedule’ thing was working well for all of us artists and one happy thing for us (for which I am personally very thankful to the organizers) was- the whole of the village was open for us to execute our projects. One big regret I had at that time was not bringing my HD camera to document my project as it was quite a challenge for our official videographer, Alok to document works of around 20 something artists. One early morning, as I came out of my cottage, I saw Zaynab and Sanjid sitting near the bonfire. Some

                                                  working on the mountain                                                                                          Linh on the day of the exhibition                               Spending time on the mountain for my project...the mountain in return did give me some moments of strangeness and amusement. One of the days as I was packing my bag to go to the mountain, my roommate, Linh just came in and gave me a corn chapati prepared by her wrapped in a newspaper. This gesture surprised me in a much pleasant manner and I immediately took the bread from her and packed it in my bag (she knew I was packing some leftover breakfast sometimes when I go to the mountain early). Linh would usually talk less and apart from being a brilliant artist, her observation of people was much mature for her age. I was always glad to have her as my roommate and this association felt much like a divine plan. There’s much people absorb from each other in the silent

What was that day in the village, I do not remember but by this time I was quite sure of my routine. I would get up early in the morning around 4-5 am to meditate for an hour. The whole atmosphere of the village had a different energy than that of the city. Everyone including children would get up early in the morning around 4 am, the kids would take their cows and goats around in the hills for grazing. They would come back, help their mothers in preparing food, would clean the house i.e. one room earthen cottage and also do the dishes. I felt connected with the energies so much so that I would always get up in the morning no matter what time I slept in the night. A distant sound of an old village woman singing in a nearby farm every day at the dawn was simply enchanting and added to the meditative mood in the morning. The energies of the place were seemingly affecting me and moreover, I was realizing how so comfortable I am mentally and physically in minimal available resources…like I

Initial days on the mountain as I started working were difficult. First, the mountain was steep and slate stone rocks were slippery. However, embedded in an acute angle, that still allowed some kind of grip that one gets used to as one gets into the habit of climbing the mountain. There was no drinking water (except some  collected rainwater in a small pit nearby) or source of food around so one should be prepared for the day. The clear skies were beautiful, but the sun was hitting hard- and the semi-reflective surface of the rocks was adding to the heat and the glare. With no trees around it was quite a challenge to find a shady spot to rest for a few minutes. The experience of the first day was enough to prepare me for the rest of the days. I knew the mountain better and while I kept on cursing myself to fancy such a task, at the same time I was quite joyful in a way and was willing to go with this flow. As I came back from the first day’s work, and narrated my experience

Space resonates with different kinds of songs, different kinds of music. There are songs with words, there is music with beautiful sounds and then, there is a song without words and there’s music without a sound. To be able to listen to deeper songs of silence, one needs to be a listener...a listener of strange sounds of silence. And even this listening comes in layers; for there is a listening that is enforced and where one has to 'train' the mind to be silent and then, there’s listening that is more natural and comes effortlessly…listening towards the sound of silence that is more profound and deeper among various sounds of silence. A trip to village Badanga, the second day of the stay at the residency, as we (the invited group of artists in the 12 days art residency- Refer my previous blog posts- ‘Save Earth’ and ‘A deeper pull’) touched the remote point in the village it was almost evening. As randomly and impulsively everyone was walking…pretending to be part of

And the earth, if she chooses to bless you…will allow you to listen to the songs of silence and write poems on her heart... It was during my stay at this artist residency in Badanga as a part of a group of around 20 something artists handpicked from different parts of the world to comment on the environment through their community- based projects.  The second day of the stay and the group was taking the village tour to understand the place and the community better. Overwhelmed by the sight of the hills mysteriously textured with slate stone, I impulsively uttered, “maybe I should paint a mountain”. I had no idea at this moment that this random utterance would be taking me up to this journey of joy, learning and discovering more about my own 'self'- Swarth . T he delight of such a joyful journey to be taken in case you are being chosen as an instrument by the art to manifest itself...how can someone refuse it? Even when at the back of the mind you keep on blaming yourself

 Creativity gives a boost to the ego of the individual who indulges in creating- call it the artist's ego. It is very easy for an artist to stay away from the maddening crowd and indulge in their own practices of art without getting bothered about the rest of the world. It is mandatory as well as stagnating sometimes. However, to come out of one’s own comfort zone does require some courage and to come out with an open mind to be able to give and receive, to begin a two-way dialogue adds to just another dimension to the whole story. For me, it is more about going with the flow, and the flow currently directs me to reach out and connect with the elements, 'self' and the fellow species...forget about entertaining the ego, I would rather sit with some Sufis and sing a universal song.…! It all began when I worked with a group of artists in my first ever art residency, some 2 years back. The whole experience of coming together to create did give me a greater sense