Probability of Being

T he surreal feel of Corona times- the social isolation and getting used to the new ‘normal'. Still holding strong to what I call- my own sense of wonderment (not forgetting to enjoy the existence), while struggling with various shades passing through the landscape and mindscape within the space of my physical existence (body). Thankfully Bhagwad Geeta holding my hand and through this ancient text, from time to time I get insights that remind me to surrender to the flow of life and not losing faith. One such insight while I was scrolling some terms was the word- ‘ Samya ’ which means the state of containment. All that I think of creating, all that I think of manifesting holds a space in my heart. and all this, while it remains unmanifested, is contained inside. While I wait for all of it to come into manifestation. And what makes me believe in the manifestation of my vision is, I being an artist who is not inspired by imaginary things but real life. The matter and the soul of mat...

My research about exploring the idea of ‘self’ has given me some new insights; the reading on Gyaneshwari (Bhagwad Geeta) explores the idea from the spiritual perspective and that means we have to go into abstraction—from form to formless. The readings and the experiences of the journey are much liberating and sometimes overwhelming. "Out beyond the ideas of right-doings and wrong-doings, there’s a field…" How about in our existence, we stop labeling our experiences? How about no good or bad experiences? How about everything is happening around and is just happening… How about not labeling our emotions? How about not labeling people? How about we go beyond the ideas of anger, happiness, love, hatred, jealousy, and so on by ‘not labeling them’. Just experiencing and letting go—let us pretend, we have overgrown the practice of labeling…or let's pretend we have forgotten the words that label everything and everyone around. Experiencing an emotion and letting go… Se...

  Here’s some reflections I feel the need to share in this space while I spend my time in isolation as I display signs of Covid-19. As the wave has hit humanity, I am no other species…and my sense of dharma (we can always call it common sense) tells me to practice the basic rule of existence—to protect myself and to protect others. Covid-19 in a way is testing if we are fit for the next stage of evolution—and this time it is collective. Our sense of belonging, our sense of collective is tested (other than protecting our own self, it’s our dharma to protect others as well). As the microcosm becomes more aware of its existence as a part of a larger molecule—the collective takes over. The awareness invites one to practice their sense of belonging—that is to become one single race. The pandemic makes us global, it doesn't discriminate between countries, color, gender, etc... Pandemic in a way unites us all as one human race. And in terms of awareness, it brings us closer to our own s...

After my first solo show in 2011 it happened that soon I became the mother of a child the very next year. An otherwise very neat and clean space—my home became as chaotic as possible and all of us who have experienced or are experiencing parenthood will agree to this. This sudden change of surroundings was quiet an annoying experience for me as I have been overly sensitive to the cleanliness of my environment. The joy of upbringing a child however superseded all the other things in life and being at home as a full-time mother with occasional art that I was doing that time was how life was going on in those days. I remember reacting to the chaos many times…still I don’t remember when, but I eventually started enjoying the chaos and the scribbles my toddler started making on the walls. Being the child of an artist mother, she had all the privilege to draw on the walls and no one had ever stopped her. The reason why I am telling this story is, the eventual acceptance of the chaotic surr...

 Time and again to ponder over such questions- why am I doing this? What is the purpose of the art I am making? ...useless again to visit this query prompted by my fickle mind. Many times, one might wonder- do I really need to do this? I mean- who really cares?? But the point is, that is not for me to decide. For this is what comes out from my soul and there is not much I can do about it. So, probably just like a sparrow sings a song not because she wants to sing …it is because she was born with this song written in her heart…and this is what will always come out from her. If I try to claim the position of an artist- a silent voice inside me calls out- “…?” Thus, my soul speaks to me and says, I am not the artist- for the art resides somewhere else. And the song is also written much before I sang it. But to empty my self from the superficial notions and to become like a clear glass so that the light/song can pass through my being is the only purpose in order to carry the priv...

  If the artist cannot connect to space they are working on, the space does not respond…time and again I keep struggling for that connection that starts the equation/dialogue. For many times I wait – wait for a long time ...and sometimes something inspires me to take a leap of faith and dive into the space- making random strokes and allow myself to be impulsive. The unknown acts in more mysterious ways that one can think of…or in better words… its beyond the understanding of the limited human perception of our minds. I always consider the unknown as my teacher. And the equation many times or most of the times requires getting into the state of surrender and practice faith. While I was in a 10 days residency with Art for change organization- the place where all the artists were lodged, I saw this line from the Bible written on a crimson lake colored wall -- “ we walk by faith and not by sight ”— and this, so far explains most of the equation and the journey in a way best possible....

Part of my work in progress Just as nature follows a pattern and also unfollows. As if the pattern is a routine and randomness and spontaneity is what makes it all alive. Just like life is an assemblage of many things done and undone…and many things are undone after done. The same way a painting is a journey of doing and undoing…learning and unlearning. Just like many visuals that cross our eyes and while some get registered in the memory whereas some cross unregistered. Like many memories we lived…we remember some in clarity, but some just leave a faint stain. Well, that is what is the amalgamation of experiences of the state of being alive and being aware of existence. The patches of lines in order on my canvas forming a clear pattern maybe shows my syncing with the energies of nature when it follows a pattern and a series of broken lines are maybe the manifestation of the dynamics that goes on while life and order are being created every day. Just like through connection with the ...